i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
