Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
