I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Boobs speak an international language.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
