Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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