I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
