Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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