just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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