i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
