I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
