I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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