I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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