My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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