we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
