forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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