This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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