so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
