she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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