are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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