my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
