Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
