After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
