What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
