i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
