His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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