Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
