I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize