did you get engaged???
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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