help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
