so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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