i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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