She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
