Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
