how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
