Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
