This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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