now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
