what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
