Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
