the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
