dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
