I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize