You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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