Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
