i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
