i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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