i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
