this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
