then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
