Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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