Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
