so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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