omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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