omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
