dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
