toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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