I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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