literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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