she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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