Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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