he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
