dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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