And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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