Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize