She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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