Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
