Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
