I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
