you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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