Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
