We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
